The Ferret is dead - long live the Squirrel

Stop now, it's all over. Go here instead...

********* Link to my new blog ************

** Squirrel Times **

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Montage

From Wikipedia:
Montage (filmmaking), a filmmaking technique which uses rapid editing, special effects and music to present compressed narrative information.

I'm reliably informed that you "Gotta Have" one, so here, accompanied by the glorious 2 mins 8 secs of the aptly named "Intro" by The XX, is my Bangkok experience...


Some nice moments in there. Filling up now....

Thanks to everyone, big or small, who supported the blog. Sometimes it kept me sane, sometimes it drove me mad. It will continue under the new name, but obviously the content will be a bit less exotic. Pictures of buskers and big-issue-sellers in Piccadilly for instance....

I'll post he address of the new blog here when I know it.

As always,

Be good.

Philanthropy, photography and finality.

Just had a call from a very excited Thai student. He's on his way to my apartment as we speak, to pick up all the free gear I advertised, or rather wifey advertised. We're talking worktop cooker, cushions, top mattresses, kettle and toaster. I had no intention of carting them home, and no time to advertise them for sale, so she quickly lobbed an ad onto the Anglo Info forum. Now I feel very philanthropic.

In other news, the apartment now looks like nobody lives here. All my stuff is piled into one corner ready for the movers on Monday, except the drums which I'm leaving to the last minute in case I feel musical in the next 36 hours.

I've moved my flight forward to Wednesday morning, or rather wifey has (Seeing a pattern here?). I have to say, having witnessed via skype video link the two-hour muzak-athon which was required in order to change the flight, including (I counted) four instances of being on hold and the line going dead and having to start again, that she showed patience above and beyond the call of duty. Hats off to the ginger one. Anyway, that gets me home by Wednesday evening, with sufficient time to get stupidly excited about picking up the bike, which won't be ready till the weekend.

The bike is in friend John's shop (Bridge Road Motorcycles www.brmc.co.uk in Crosby, Liverpool - there you go John, a free plug) being fixed up after two years of neglect. Apparently it's running already and an MOT is imminent. I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm stupidly excited about getting back on the noisy yellow monster. On top of the excitiement of coming home for good, and starting a new job, I'm just about jumping up and down with it.

While we're on workshops, isn't Martin's place in New Mills called BB Auto's? Well, I spotted another branch of the franchise the other day here in Bangkok...
Kept that quiet didn't he?

While we're on new jobs, I've done my last full day in the Plexal office and had a nice meal with a select few of my colleagues here. It was good, we all said how great we were and some beer was involved. Also the cheapest steamed sea-bass I'll see for a few years to come.

This wil be my last blog before I come home and the whole thing gets moved onto another address. When I'm home I will sort all that out, so for now watch this space for details of "Squirrel Times".

Be good, and be there when I get home.

Special Day

Well, I've handed in the aforementioned notice, and it went as well as could be expected. In fact I think the boss was quite relieved - me leaving saves him some money and the books aren't exactly full of orders right now.

Now I have the (for me) nightmare of organising myself home in one piece, and with as much as possible of my vast fortune intact. I hate this part...

Thanks to all who sent me birthday wishes. The best birthday present would be a time-travel gadget to bypass this week.

My flight home (ahhhh) is booked for May 8th. Motorbike service is booked and the bike will be ready for me. Can't wait.

Dubai - Last trip out

I'm heading back to Bangkok, to hand in my notice and pack my stuff. This will be my last trip out. I couldn't be more excited.

This trip home has been eventful to the point of hecticity (New word). We've been working on Lyn's 3rd year art piece, which is a big installation in a disused house in Bolton town centre. I also started job-hunting and managed to fit in a bike ride, and of course some (rather enjoyable) drinking.

I've also read and understood a book called "Why does E=mc2" which sets about explaining Einstein's theory of relativity in laymans terms. Most enjoyable. I'm also re-reading "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", which is equally interesting.

Badpoints: not enough time to see Number one daughter, number one brother or sisters one and three, all of which I had the opportunity to see.

Gate is about to open so very quickly, here are some photos:
View from the roof of our house in spring obviously excites me more than her..

Pub lunch, this was just the starter. Boy was I full. But happy.

Few drinks and I'm putting bags on my head. Pathetic.

For Bart. Sorry I'm leaving mate.

Don't even remember where this was. Liked it though.

Gorilla in cute ponytail. Odd.

I start a new contract in Salford Quays next month, so the blog will be either renamed or shelved completely. Any opinions?

Class

Dubai Airport - gate's just opened so can't stay long. Hope this happens again, as it did on the flight brom Bangkok...
That's class, man - Business Class.

Read it and weep, cattle people.

See you in Blighty.

Bart's Burning

Friend Bart went kite-surfing in Pran Buri last weekend. Result: fanatic interest in more kitesurfing, and one of the worst cases of daft-Englishman-in-sunny-climate sunburn I've seen since I went to Koh Samet last year with wifey (which was detailed in this very location). How sore does this look?....

Makes me squirm just looking at it. Could be worse - could be me!

Phnom Penh

No fit state to travel? This is Lyn on the first morning after being upgraded to business class...

Took wifey to Phnom Penh, the low-rise capital of Cambodia, for the weekend. We booked ahead but, on arrival at our hotel, were greeted with blank stares. Not a good start. Then after being shown to our room and informed that we'd have to move the next day because it was booked to someone else, Lyn discovered the toilet was dirty - I mean really dirty. We sat by the tiny pool full of kids' toys while the staff argued loudly about who would clean the bog, and looked through our lonely planet book for alternatives. A short trip across town courtesy of Jack, who became "Our" tuk tuk driver for the weekend, and we found a better hotel that was so new it wasn't in any books. It was called Mysteres & Mekong, and was mostly used by French people, but we like French people so it was all good. The hotel had air conditioned rooms in Colonial style, a nice leafy secluded pool area and free wi-fi. We were much happier.

We gave the next day over to the more depressing part of Cambodia, i.e. the infamous S-21 detention centre and the "Cheung Ek Genocidal Centre", otherwise known as the killing fields. S-21 is in the middle of the city and Cheung Ek is 15 km away so we got Jack to take us back and forth all day. He was happy to wait outside for us and charged a small fee for the whole day, including taking us out in the evenings. S-21 is, as is stated in other places, startling in its ordinariness. It was a school before the revolution but was subsequently used to detain and torture a lot of "Suspects" between 1975 and 1979. Afterwards they were taken to the killing fields and disposed of. All of this was meticulously documented by the Khmer Rouge guards, who were after all just young farmhands who had been caught up in the revolution, indoctrinated into Pol Pot's twisted logic, and didn't really think they were doing anything wrong. I think as they got older they became capable of independant thought, maybe began questioning what they were doing, and were subsequently sentenced to torture and death at the hands of the younger ones. Whatever aspect you look at it's profoundly depressing. The photos of men, women and children, taken on admission, are harrowing. In the eyes of the men is anger, in the eyes of the women is resignation, in the eyes of the children is bewilderment. Pol Pot decreed that the suspects' wives and children must be killed along with them, to prevent later reprisals. Anyway, I've now gone on far too long about it so here are some pics and we'll move on..S-21. Nuff said.
We just can't stop doing the wrong thing. You'd expect humility and respect for all the suffering, but..
The place is now owned by a Japanese company who promote it and repair the access roads. There was national outrage when the contract went to a foreign company but it happened anyway. Money talks, apparently louder than the dead.

In the afternoon, as became our routine for the trip, we made use of the hotel pool to cool off and get some much-needed refreshment, in the form of a couple of reasonably strong G-and-T's. Average temperature for the trip was about 38 degrees by the way.

That evening, to cheer us up, we asked Jack to take us to a nice restaurant and he did just that. On the riverfront there are loads of bars etc, but this one had traditional Khmer dancers, good service, great food and a nice atmosphere. It was called the Bopha and was attached to the Titanic night club. I didn't notice till we were paying the bill, but the whole restaurant is decked out like .. well, a deck. Lifebelts, the lot.Strange bendy balancing dancer woman gives me the eye.

Next day we went to the art quarter of the city for a mooch around, then did some more traditional sight seeing. We went to the National Museum, which is well stocked with old statues and very little actual information about them, and then on to the Royal Palace. Lyn thought it bore a remarkable resemblance to the one in Bangkok. By this time I'd bought myself yet another hat to avoid sunstroke. It was extremely hot and most of the Palace gounds are outdoors. There was one little souvenir-type area which broke up the monotony of millions of statues of Buddha. There was a quartet sitting in room playing percussion instruments. To my delight one of them got up for a rest and the leader offered me the place. I sat down, he taught me a simple routine to play and off we went. I was jamming with the monks, man!Just watched it again, and apologise for playing flat. I'm a drummer, not a musician. By the cringe, it was hot in there. Another tourist sat down after me, and remarked at how much sweat I'd dripped onto the floor.

What else happened? Ah yes, we went strolling one evening and discovered there was loads going on in the local square...Can you imagine UK teenagers doing this? No, of course you can't.

Before we knew it, we were in the airport coming home. This bloke walked past wearing three hats so I decided you needed to see him:
And that's about it really. Lyn goes back to blighty tonight, I follow on Friday for a week of helping out with her installation in Bolton. See you there.

Khao Yai Hash

I went on my first ride with the Bangkok Hash House Bikers last weekend. Had a great time, and got a prolonged lesson in fitness, which included blood, sweat, cramp, nausea, cramp, shredded paper, new friends and more cramp.

I'm going to try to upload an edited video but it's quite a big file so I've no idea if it will load, or if you'll be able to access it afterwards. Here's hoping. The camera's batteries lasted 56 minutes into a 2.5 hour ride, and I then cut down what I had to 9 minutes. I've added a soundtrack and faded voices up as needed, for people who were actually there to hear themselves speak....

(Yes Lyn, that is blood on my forearm. A mere flesh wound.)

Here's how the Hash House thing works: the route is researched during the preceding weeks by the "hare", who on the day lays a trail of shredded paper at the side of the trail for the pack to follow. This is done early morning so that the hare can be present at the start of the hash to give some clues as to what to expect. The paper is in little piles at about 100 metre intervals. There are false trails, deliberately laid to slow down the "FRB's" (front-running bastards). There are also check points, which are large crosses of paper, which mean that the trail continues somewhere within 500 metres of the cross. These also slow down the leaders, as people have to be sent in all directions looking for the continuation. In the video you can see that I was actually present for the breaking of one check point, meaning I was up at the front, or near it. That was before cramp set in, but that's another story. After the ride, the group "circle up" for the ritual humiliation of anyone who's done or said anything embarrassing durng the day. This involves being sent to the middle of the circle and having to drink a glass of beer in one go while the rest of the group laugh at your misfortune. It's all good fun, and the people are nice. There were over 100 at this hash. I joined up for the next one which is on my birthday at the end of April.

The ride itself was proof that I could be a lot fitter. Normally they do a "hangover ride" on the Sunday, but I was in no fit state this time so I got a lift home with two of my new mates. I felt sick, my legs were wobbly and I could feel muscle damage starting after being ravaged during the race by too much lactic acid built up in my overworked leg muscles. Next time I will definitely try the baking soda trick offered by our South Africa correspondent Odette. Cramp is incredibly painful and always seems to hit me after about 2 hours of exercise. One lady took pity on me and stopped to chat near the end, as I was off the bike ooing and aaahing and hopping around in agony. It wasn't the first time I'd stopped and people were always kind and helpful. I saw not one selfish act the whole day, most refreshing. I do hate feeling like an idiot though - I went into this expecting a bunch of casual riders who barely break sweat, but instead I was the lame duck. Next time.........

To give some idea of the toughness of the ride, I've been doing longish rides in the last month on the roads around Bangkok, and my average speed over say 60 kilometres is about 26.5 kph. In Kao Yai the ride was 37.5 km and I averaged 13.3 kph. That shows the difference between road and trail riding. Mind you, some of the hills were very steep and prolonged, which for some reason you can't see from the video. The downhills were nice though.

I must say, the Khao Yai area is very nice, lots of hills and farmland and much quieter than Bangkok. It's about 2.5 hours North of the city so I booked into a resort neaby for the night. That meant that theoretically I could have a few beers and relax in good company, but I'm afraid I only lasted till 9pm and conked out.

The bike worked well as usual. I was spooked by some of the horror stories the veterans were telling about Thai thorn bushes, so needlessly I bought a spare-spare inner tube and carted it around in my camelbak needlessly. I didn't get one puncture. The nearest I came to a mishap was riding through some shrubbery and knocking the camera off line. You'll see that in the video. Oh, and I also took a swipe from a branch and ended up with blood running down my forearm - also briefly visible in the video.

Some pics:

Belmont Village, my resting place for the weekend. Very Dutch Village. Windmills, dykes..



Mine was the green one.



Hashers in repose. This was the half-way water stop. I ate about 50 cakes and was still hungry. Sitting down in the foreground is Linda, a fellow noob, who in fact finished at the same time as I did.



Our van and trailer. Owned and run by Chris, a very nice ex-US marine who also did the ride. 20 quid got me and my bike taken there and back with 7 like-minded individuals. Great fun.

That's about it really. So many new things to think about, I probably should write them all down but my head is log-jammed with information.

Overall I loved it. Can't wait for the next one, which is happening an 26-27 April (my birthday, but don't tell anyone - I wouldn't like to end up in the circle drinking beer and being laughed at) near Pattaya. See you there.

Be good.

Epic

Sorry for the apparent media blackout. I haven't been kidnapped and indoctrinated into the red-shirt cult, I've just been busy. As the title suggests, the bike ride in Kao Yai was an adventure of epic proportions.

Watch this space for a condensed video, some photos and a lot of self-congratulatory twaddle.

Be good.

White shirts?

I know, I'm in danger of becoming your far-east shirt correspondent, but a strange new group appeared on the scene here today. I was out cycling - same route as last time but a bit further - and this time on the way home I witnessed about 100 folk in white shirts getting ready to head into town. They had Thai flags, and the occasional yellow flag, so maybe they are campaigning for the status quo. I couldn't tell if they were hostile (they all just looked bewildered) so didn't feel able to photograph them.

Anyhoo, on the subject of cycling, I managed 62 k today without too much drama. Made my juice a bit too strong, got thirsty and ran out with 7 k to go, which caused a bit of cramp. I think that because I sweat so much, the balance of chemicals needed to keep me going can easily get out of tolerance, so to speak. Or maybe the cramp was due to a build up of lactic acid and I need to take Odette's baking-soda advice.

I'm fairly confident now, that I won't be completely useless on next Saturday's Hash House ride. I will try to remember to wear the helmet-cam for that. Should be fun.

Here's a photo of home, from 3 k away:

Right, I'm off to relax for the rest of the day. Be good.

More red shirts

Yep, they're still around. They all went up the road outside our office today, on their way to the 11th Brigade barracks to harass the Prime Minister, who of course had already fled in a chopper to another location. That didn't stop them arriving mob-handed and allegedly throwing grenades into the army ranks. It's all go here, I tell you. Anyway, here's a photo - this stream of trucks went on for miles. Apparently there were 100,000 of the blighters. Thaksin's last throw of the dice? Who knows...
Sleep well, everone.

Red shirts, silly slogans and stuff.

I went for a nice long ride this morning, 45 kilometres. No problem with my new super duper electrolyte fluid. Anyway, I went about twenty k's and stopped for a rest in a shady spot under the expressway...
Yes not very inspiring I know. I can report that the land around Bangkok is as flat as a pancake for as many miles as I'm prepared to ride. Where was I? ah yes, in the shade. A bloke pulled up in his pickup and went fishing in the canal, and I noticed the guy who'd done the spray job on the car had a sense of humour...Says it all really, and a nice addition to my collection of nonsense slogans.

On the way home I found myself in the middle of a bunch of protesters getting ready to head into Bangkok. It's the big bash this weekend, when the red shirts are supposed to bring the city to a standstill. They hate the current regime (elitist, middle-class - allegedly) and they want new elections. They say they will continue to march until they get what they want. In fact they have all been paid 3000 baht to attend by Takhsin's lackeys. Power to the people!
Despite some hard looks, they seemed a friendly bunch, even happy to wave to the silly farang on the bike....

By the way, I must say it's nice, when you're tired and confused and don't necessarily know your way around, to be able to see your house from five miles away. Gave me a nice boost on the last stretch.

I'm all fixed up with accommodation... www.belmontkhaoyai.com and also transport to my first Hash House Ride in two weeks time. I exchanged some emails with a man with a van who takes groups there and back, with bikes, for a small fee. He assures me I'm going to enjoy the trip and says BHHB is the best thing that's happened in Bangkok since he came here 8 years ago. I'm really looking forward to it, which I've probably already mentioned. Now that I'm semi-fit, the physical side of it is less of a concern, so I can look forward to meeting new people and having enough breath to speak to them.

In other news, the F1 season got underway yesterday with quallifying for the Bahrain Grand Prix. I loved it, and I'm just about to settle down and watch the race itself. The most interesting season for many years with as many as six drivers in with a very good chance.

I'm off. Be good.

Letter to the BBC trust

I've sent this to the BBC trust, who are deliberating on the proposed closure of 6music:

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Dear BBC Trust,

The closure of 6music would be a disaster both for me personally, and for British music in general. Here's why:

In the past year alone (and 6music has been around for 8 years) I've spent approximately £150 on music I heard and liked on 6music. I can assure you that I could not have heard that music on any other radio station. Therefore there would be no possibility of those albums being bought without 6music. Multiply that by 750,000 (the estimated listener figure) and you have a compelling reason why the UK music scene leads the world in terms of creativity and diversity. Without record sales the industry would die.

I listen at all times of the day, being fortunate enough to have a job which allows it. If 6music closed down, there would be no alternative for me but to turn to randomising my current collection to make my own playlist, and "Guessing" what to buy next. It's a depressing prospect.

The suggestions for putting some of the content from 6 onto other stations is ridiculous. It's like evicting the population of London and telling them there are some nice new estates on the Isle of Wight to live in.

I urge the trust to reconsider this awful decision.

Regards

Russell Hindley

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If you feel strongly about the issue, or you just want to stay mates with me, visit this link and say your piece:

http://www.38degrees.org.uk/email-the-BBC

Be good.

One thousand metres

Got home, apartment stupidly hot, nothing to do while the AC got going. No wife to talk to, nothing on telly, back too bad for cycling/gym/squash. Went swimming. 1km in 27:52. Quite proud of myself for going, if not for the time.

I did stupidly forget my goggles, with this result:

...I apologise to those of a nervous disposition...

I'm off to be smug now. Later, couch taters.

Now, where did I put the optrex?

Cool

On the walk to work this morning it was cloudy and there was a slight breeze, meaning it was "only" about 30 degrees. I was still sweating by the time I got to the lovely air conditioned office. On the way in there was a Thai bloke in a bobble hat, presumably to keep his ears warm.

That is just plain wrong.

Sponsor Colin

Colin is running a mile for charity.

http://www.mysportrelief.com:80/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=300476

Go on, you know you want to.

Advertising is dangerous

I was walking home today, going past some of those plastic-tubes-that-blow-up-in-the-air-with-logos-on, when one of them draped itself across my head and nearly dislodged my glasses. Most embarrassing.

About my music links

It's come to my attention that if you're reading the blog in an email, the music links don't work. That's because when you open the actual blog it surreptitiously loads the music player, if needed. Email doesn't do that.

SO what I'm saying is, if you want to hear what I'm on about you have to open the blog itself, not an email. Sorry and all that.

..Clear?

General chit chat

So, what shall I waffle about today?

Well, what about the terrible news that "They" are thinking about closing down 6music?

For those who don't know, and shame on you if you don't because I've blathered on about it on here enough times, 6music is a digital BBC radio station, available on iPlayer... http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/playlive/bbc_6music/ ..., either live or in listen-again format, and also DAB.

6music does not tailor its content for the mainstream, as do Radio 1 and Radio 2. That is its strength AND its weakness. The diversity of music on the station is huge, but be warned: tuning in "on spec" is like looking at the night sky through a toilet roll - you just don't experience the wonder of it all unless you give it a chance. You might be unimpressed by Orion's belt (especially if you haven't seen it before) but Orion itself is stunning, and beyond that the greater glory of the Milky Way is unparalleled.

I say - DROP THE TOILET ROLL!

Stop press - they just played all 23 minutes of "Echoes" by Pink Floyd. Who else would dare? Prog-tastic, pop pickers.

Anyway, I still hope they will change their minds. I've filled in the consultation... http://bit.ly/srconsultation ... and signed the petitions... http://www.petition.fm/petitions/6musicasiannet/1000/ .. and now I'm just hoping. The last eight years would have been (musically speaking) much poorer for me at work, if I didn't have the endlessly changing music scene as a backdrop to the daily grind. Yes folks, it's official, work is dull without music.

In other news, I went for a ride in 36 degrees yesterday. It was.... hot. I used the CamelBak so I was well hydrated, but boy does the sun slow you down. I will definitely be better when I get my e-replacement powder some time this week (thank you eBay). I rode up to friend Terry's house and played squash with him, then rode home. Needed a rest after that, I can tell you.

While we're on slowing down, Bangkok is definitely not built for cyclists. If cities can have opposites, Bangkok and Copenhagen are examples, and not just on the Celsius scale. There, the cyclist is king, lording it over pedestrians, buses and even, shock horror, the automobile. Here the cyclist is the runt of the road. I regularly have to pick the bike up and hump it over barriers, climb steps to overpasses, jump ditches etc etc. just to get where I'm going. And the diesel-belching buses, oy. I will persist though. Still a lot of fun.

Been listening to Turin Brakes for a couple of years now, and only lately realised how much I like this song:

Turin Brakes - Average Man

It's rare for me to like somthing with a slide guitar in it. Mind you, this one would benefit from it being removed. Stick a kazoo in there, anything but that awful caterwauling. Luckily it's only prominent in the intro. Must try to see them live. That might be possible this year, since a new album is now out and surely there will be a tour. Stop press - according to Wiki they are British, from Ballham, no less. I thought they were Canadian or summink. Ah well.

While we're on music, I've always heard people going on about how great Miles Davis is, and recently my drum teacher advised me to buy the "Kind of Blue" album, which I did and liked it a lot. I won't post any tracks here because that would make me a jazz fan, which I'm not. That said, it is a very good album, and I listened to it the other day on my way to "Niu's on Silom" for drinks with Bart. Niu's is a very cool and stylish Jazz/Blues bar and restaurant here, and for anyone visiting Bangkok I'd put it high on my list of places to go. Great musicians right there doing their thing within touching distance. I loved it. Actually I'd been there before with Lynny last time she was here. Poor love was still jet-lagged and she fell asleep. Mind you it's a very relaxing place.

Nothing more to say now, just checked the phone and I've taken no photos recently of interest, so sorry for the lack of visual input. It's all getting a bit wordy init. Does anyone care? Suggestions for content type please (More crosswords? More top tips? Naked photos of me?), on the back of a 1000 Baht note to the usual address. Yes yes, I've used that gag before, well spotted.

Be good.

Electrolytes

Warning - this blog is basically me thinking aloud, and unless you're into issues around endurance sports it's extremely boring. If self-indulgent ramblings are your bag, read on....

We're constantly reminded, us sportsmen (don't laugh) about the need for correct hydration and electrolyte balance for optimum performance and endurance. Whew, what a mouthful. Anyway, with all that in mind, and mindful that taking on endurance sports in a climate such as exists here in Thailand causes added strains on the body's fluid levels, I looked around for an outlet for electrolyte replacement products.

Not a sausage could I find.

In a major city like Bangkok that's outrageous. One store answered my email with a promise that, although they don't stock the product I enquired about, they do stock other products by the same company, and they would get some in the future. That's a start I suppose, but these things are driven by market forces obviously, and the "Sports" market here is mostly blokes wanting to get much, much bigger.

In my book, that's not sport, it's pharmacy.

The basic premise in the minds of today's "yoof" is that the hours/days/weeks/months of hard work in the gym (allied with a healthy, suitably high-protein diet) required to build the desired physique can be avoided by swallowing regular handfuls of borderline illegal, life-shortening, hormone-balance-wrecking crap, and occasionally swanning down to the gym suitably attired in the latest glamorous lycra posing-tops.

The stuff you can get here over the counter is quite dangerous - human growth hormone, steroids, anything you want. This trend is duplicated in the actual company I used to buy my stuff from in the UK, an Australian company called Musashi. They now seem to concentrate on bloat-up protein shakes, amino supplements, whey powder, and in a small corner of their website you'll find the endurance stuff.

So I've jumped ship.

There's a UK-based company called Science in Sport, which has a line of products aimed at runners, cyclists and triathletes. Their stuff is even for sale in Tescos. I also found it on eBay.

The reason for all this girding of loins endurance-wise, is that I have a long offroad ride with the Bangkok Hash House Bikers at the end of this month. If I try to do 45 km in 35 degrees, with just water to keep me going, I'll get the worst case of cramp ever. I've always had problems keeping hydrated during sports. I sweat freely just walking along the road here in Bangkok, and that's not an exaggeration - ask wifey. Speaking of the ginger-headed one, she posted an enquiry on the ThaiVisa forum, which around here is the best way to find out anything about anything, asking about electrolyte replacement products. Answers? Plenty. One bloke suggested chocolate drinks are the future for endurance sportsmen. Another seemed quite taken with coconut water. Bizarre. The point is, there's just no interest over here in Triathlon, Cycling, Running or even Squash, because it's just too damned hot. It's only us stupid farangs that can be bothered.

I've already booked the hotel for the BHHB trip. It's at Khao Yai National Park, about 2 hours north of Bangkok. They usually do a big ride on Saturday, have a few drinks in the evening, then ride again an the Sunday. Then it's off back to Bangkok in time for tea & medals. I'm looking forward to meeting some like-minded people, possibly making some friends, and getting some good exercise at the same time. A full report will appear here. Lyn arrives in Bangkok two days later, so I better not get too badly injured. She'd kill me.

Later taters

My Hero

(Takes a while to load, needs sound for best atmosphere)

http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1267656188005RA80

Rousing stuff.

Well, I liked it anyway.

Hua Hin, and bike stuff

Hua Hin:

I went (with Bart) for a long weekend down to Hua Hin, a resort on the coast two hours south west of Bangkok.

Or rather, I went to a resort near to Hua Hin.

Or rather, I tried to go to a resort near to Hua Hin but ended up in a mostly empty place 40km from Hua Hin.

Here's an enormous two-headed elephant statue I spotted en route..
*Note: The elephant wasn't en route, I was. I doubt the elephant's moved in years.

Anyway wherever I went, it was very, er, relaxing. Actually on the first night we chickened out and drove to Hua Hin itself and booked into a hotel. Horrendously expensive on top of the cost of the resort itself, but at least we managed a decent pub crawl without having to drive afterwards. The receptionist at the resort had laughingly suggested we drive into HH, have a few beers, and drive back. "haha, don't worry, it's fine to drink and drive in Thailand". Fine yes, but what if you kill someone? They just don't get it here.

Here's me wearing someone else's hair halfway through the afore-mentioned pub crawl..

A good night was had by both, and at 3.30am I was still awake. Quite an achievement for this old codger.

Bike stuff:

I was talking to squash-friend Terry the other day and mentioned that I'd been in a mountain bike race in New Zealand three years ago, and that there was photographic evidence on the internet somewhere. Subsequently I went looking for the photo's and I've finally decided to download them. Originally I'd refused due to the fee involved. Here are three of the pics, and in order you can see:


Me on the last downhill stretch at 45kph, stupidly waving to the camera. (Mistake)


Me realising that, due to waving, I'd missed my braking point and that the oncoming hairpin bend was rushing up a little too quickly


My bike, having gone over the edge in a most undignified fashion

I actually did a face-plant into the hillside and blacked out for a few seconds. When I came to I was 20 feet below the road caught up in a bush. There was a considerable drop still below me. Very lucky not to do the full plunge, or break my neck. I looked up and there was the photographer saying "oh dear". I managed to collect the bike and finish the race, albeit with a nice gash across my nose, no peak on my hat and a general feeling of second-handedness. Ah well.

In other (and better) news, I took the bike on a little spin around Bangkok yesterday. It's running well after its trip here and being reassembled by me. Predictably I ran out of water on my 30km ride, and equally predictably I got lost. Good fun though, can't wait to go on a proper offroad ride. There's a group here called Bangkok Hash House Bikers, and they meet once a month in different locations around Thailand, ride all of Saturday, have a few beers and stay overnight, then ride again on a Sunday. Then they return to Bangkok. Sounds like just the ticket for me, more to follow. I need to get up to speed though, they do 40-50 km offroad, which is a lot.

More soon, be good.

Folk

Some music for you - and nary a drumbeat to be heard.

Alasdair Roberts - The hallucinator and the king of the silver ship of time

Mary Hampton - Island

Jesca Hoop - Hunting My Dress

The Unthanks - Nobody Knew She Was There

You have to sit down and relax to enjoy these. I did.

Be good.

Top tips

Got sent a link to some top tips, which I find tear-jerkingly funny. However, I'm not going to pass the link to you lot because they get less funny after five or so. Instead, I'll post a few here now and then.

To keep the freshness you should avoid finding the site for yourself and ruining the fun.

That's a top tip from me :)

Here's a selection:

• OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
• BOMB disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.
• Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y, Stevenage.
• Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead
• When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case a large blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up the road. - D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary

More later.. taters

One Night in New Mills

Going home today, for a night and a day.

It's to pick up my mountain bike so I can start riding it over here. Trip costs same as new bike, so why not?

Laters

Nonsense Slogans

I'm going to compile a list of t-shirt slogans that I see here that are in English but make no sense. It's strange, I saw one the other day which prompted this blog, but I've forgotten it. They don't have any logical meaning so they don't stay in the mind. Hey, maybe there's a conspiracy and they contain subliminal messages. Hmm, maybe that's why I've had a strange compulsion to drink full-lard Coke, which I normally hate......

Anyway, the next one I see will appear on here, assuming it survives in my (very)short term memory long enough.

Watch this bobbbin....

In big letters across the back: "SLUR".

I'm on!

Got phone and interweb in the new apartment at last.

In other news, no motorbike. Would it make me happy? Probably not.

Might think about a pushbike though....

Want it, need it

Saw this for sale in a shack round the corner from the office (there are always shacks round the corner in Bangkok)
It's a Honda Bros, 650cc V-Twin, same engine type as my Hyosung at home. The guy started it up and it sounds luvly. It's for sale for half what I got for the D-Tracker. Hmmmmmmm.

In other news, I'm sat by the pool (using free wireless) on a wednesday morning, waiting for the telephone man to come and fix my line. I've a feeling it won't happen but the morning off is nice. Mind you, I have to stay down here on the ground floor in 35 degrees waiting for him to call my mobile, because my reception is so bad in the apartment. I'm on my fourth t-shirt so far - it's stupidly hot here. I'm too hairy for this climate. Maybe an all-over shave might help. The things that stop me trying it are:

• Uncomfortable unless done every day
• Time-consuming
• Probably ineffectual
  

In any case, if I start radiating all my heat, everyone else is going to be that much hotter.

In other news, there's now a bloke swimming lengths in the pool with a mask and snorkel on. Bit strange, there's surely nothing to see on the pool bottom, unless you're into quality grouting. Maybe he's a pool inspector. In which case I want his job. Jeez he's done six lengths of the (very long) pool already. I'm intimidated. He's slowing down now though, must be struggling, or maybe he's found some mis-matched tiles. There is a gigantic whale done in darker tiles at the far end, and a group of dolphins in the centre. I know because I use them as markers to tell how far I am from the end when I do my 4 lengths. Yes 4. It's a long pool. There are also some stone fish spitting water into the pool along one side. If you don't keep your head down as you swim past you're likely to get wet. That's a joke.
Pool, Spitting Fish, Snorkel Man - did I lie?

In other news my battery is running low, and anyway you're boring me now. Be good, and if you're cold I'm jealous.

15 Bottles of wine later

We (Plexal) had our traditional New Years party last night (yes yes it's February - we're busy ok?). It was at Buri Restaurant, on the river. Good location, might bring the missus there next time she's over. Here's sunset from before the wine came..

You wouldn't think this was in the middle of Bangkok, na?

Our General Manager had ordered 15 bottles of French red. Rude not to drink it really, so we did. Here we are much later, all rather unsteady. I'm the one hiding behind the boss's granddaughter. I should have stood up but felt a bit woozy. Hic.

A bunch of drunken bums, AKA Plexal.

As Good As It Gets

I just watched Notting Hill, followed by As Good As It Gets. Cried my bloody eyes out. I wouldn't mind but I've seen both films a million times.

Sometimes schmaltz is ok.

Rutnin

Rutnin - no, not a new band. It's the eye hospital in Bangkok. I went to see if the prognosis for my condition (Coats' Disease - look it up) had changed in the last 30 years. Bad news - it hasn't. Good news - after exhaustive tests my left eye shows no sign of developing problems. Sarcastic whoopees all round.

I did get a severe lecture from the eye quack, about playing squash sans goggles (Lynny, find my prescription gigs and send them over please).

I also got a lecture from the missus which was along the lines of "fix the teeth first, you moron".

I also got my left eye's pupil dilated for the examination, then sent out into Bangkok sunshine to make my way home (eyewatering), hoping it would wear off before my squash match later in the day (it did).

While we're on squash....Who said nothing ever gets fixed in Thailand? This is one of the courts at Supalai Park (my apartment block). I can nip over and play any time I like and I'm just as happy as a clam.

I've bought four new albums this week, all by artists you lot won't have heard of, you bunch of Philistines. When I've listened exhaustively to them all I'll post a track from each album here, as part of my ongoing (and rather sad) atempt to enlighten you all to the pleasures of music that isn't either a) a thousand years old, or b) written with the latest x-factor contestant in mind. By the way Sandy, that Philistines jab doesn't include you. Gosh, I can hear the howls from everyone else already. (Note from editor - this is better stuff, edgy, cynical.) Which brings up a question - hands up anyone who's actually gone and bought music on the strength of my posting it here? Do any of you actually buy music, or have you fallen into that curse of modern society, the illegal download? Or would you rather watch telly than turn on the stereogram? Shame on you for either.

I watched a guy die this morning on TV, and I'm not happy about it. I sat down and there it was - the terrible accident on the Luge at the Olympics. No need to go into details, but the point is, why show it? Not in the public interest at all. Gave me the heeby geebies, and so sad for his family.

Right, I'm off to sulk. Be good.

Bring me this man NOW

I want his babies.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8509776.stm

French grip? German grip? Eh?

Had my first drumming lesson since coming to Thailand. The first thing Bryan (photo to follow) said, after watching me attempting to demonstrate my level of (ahem) ability, was that he wanted me to completely change the way I hold the sticks. Fairly radical I thought, but in for a penny in for a Baht. That means I came home with some fairly simple exercises, not the expected reams of new beats to try. Ah well, with wifey having gone home, I have nothing else to do (whimper). Tip...tap....tip...tap.....

Actually I've just done some reading on the subject and not sure I like what I discovered. Seems like more people prefer the old method for versatility. More to follow.

Broadband in the new apartment is imminent, or so I'm told, which is good because currently I'm using my mobile phone as a modem. It's cheap but slow - I'd say glacial. Back in the day, 115 kbps was twice the speed of the fastest modem, but now most websites are designed with BB in mind, so clicking on the bbc news page, for example, means you get all sorts of wizzbang graphics and video clips going on. Fine if you're on a 16 meg connection, but here I click links then go and put the kettle on. And getting my emails? Updating the blog? Forget it. I'm doing this in work (lunchtime, naturellement)

By the way, hello Keith, nice to have you along. Let me know how you're doing via email, or comment on the blog if you like - it's nice to have visitors.

On Lyn's last day here we visited the Jim Thompson house...Evidence we were there

For those who don't know who he was, neither did I until the visit, but nevertheless I'm about to bang on about him like he was my best mate. He was an American architect and entrepreneur who disappeared during a visit to Malaysia in 1967, having built up quite an enterprise in Thailand exporting silk products. His house in Bangkok is a popular tourist attraction now. It is built in traditional Thai style, on stilts and entirely out of wood. It is a beautiful and peaceful place, as are the surrounding gardens...

A plant

Two plants and a leaf.

Lyn and a plant. (No, not the author... hmm, bad joke)

..Quite a surprise in this crowded noisy city. The guide told us proudly how Thompson had designed the house after extensive research into traditional Thai methods. I couldn't help but notice though, that he had cherry-picked from that tradition rather than sticking to the letter of it. For instance, the "House" is basically six houses used as rooms, and he added ceilings, which are not traditional, to facilitate electrical wiring. It's full of beautiful antique statues, furniture and silk hangings. There's a restaurant and an exhibition centre on the site too, both recommended. Gosh, I sound like a tour guide. Anyway, afterwards we took a trip to one of the half-dozen Jim Thompson "Outlets" in town, and spent some money on silk. Job done. The rest of Lyn's last day was spent in Monsoon bar getting drunk and talking bollocks with Maureen. Great fun. Photos:

Fun with feet

Russell and Lyn distracted, Maureen quite focussed.

More fun with less feet.

It's now 51 days 'till wifey's next visit. Humbug. I hope you all get stuck in a snow-drift. Cheers!

Koh Chang

Koh Chang (Thai for "Elephant Island") is quite a large island, hence the name. However, and typically, we saw only the short road to Aiyapura and (aside from one boat trip) we never left the resort. Back packers we're not, so if you're hoping for Russell's Rough Guide you'll be disappointed. I thought I'd be upfront about that. Our plan was to relax after stressful periods at work/uni, and we most certainly did.

Flying from Bangkok was a good choice I think. I don't like long coach rides and the small airport at Trat is nice, a collection of large thatched sheds with nice gardens around. From there we got a minibus for the ferry ride to the island. The minibus took us right to the resort, which is very close to the ferry port, maybe ten minutes drive. Maureen had gone ahead a few days eralier (by coach, ha!) with the Skyros group who were doing the full spa/yoga thing. We only wanted to drink, eat and sunbathe.

Our "Oriental Villa" was very nice, right next to the shore and adjacent to the pool/bar. On dropping our bags off we made a bee line for the pool and within five minutes we were sat with our first cocktail in the sun. Annnnnd relaxxxxx....

Key. Room 001 of course, la di da

Our villa

Regular visitor to our porch. He left when I didn't feed him.

Aiyapura is situated in a bay so we spent many happy hours watching fishermen put-putting along in their small boats. There is a small beach but neither of us particularly likes sand so we avoided it. From the lobby/restaurant area you can look down over the whole resort, which is on a fairly steep hillside. There are golf carts for the more lazy types to get around, chauffeur driven of course.

View from the lobby restaurant

Panorama by the pool

We sat at this pool bar on underwater stools and swigged cocktails.

View from the pool back up to the lobby restaurant.

Lyn studies a menu

On day three we went with M and the rest of the Skyros crowd on a boat trip to some outlying islands, for a snorkeling/beach bbq/general relaxation trip. Snorkeling was new to both of us, and we took to it like ducks to water - or at least one of us did. Eventually Lyn was persuaded to don a mask, but defiitely not flippers. When I managed to get her to take a breath through the snorkel with her face in the water she was fine, although doing that and actually swimming along at the same time was too much for her, bless. I ended up keeping hold of her hand and dragging her along, while we exchanged excited hand-gestures at each new wonder. Magic moments. At one point I fed a croissant underwater to about a hundred vividly coloured fish. They even tried nibbling my arm in their frenzy to get some french cuisine. Lyn gets up close and personal with the fish

By the way, there's one obvious problem for fair-skinned people - your back is exposed constantly and if you forget to use the old factor 30 in your eagerness to get in the water, then pain is the only outcome. Sunburn is famously old ground on this blog, and I'm not saying I got as badly cooked as last time, but definitely there was considerable discomfort that night. In fact I'm still itchy now.

One event during the boat trip was a stop for refreshments at Koh Wai, which is an island without proper power supply. It attracts hippy types as far as I can tell, and Lyn seemed keen on the idea of spending time there. I'm skeptical because, whether due to age or affluence, we tend to avoid roughing it. The place looked scruffy, was full of cats and dogs, and populated by bony people with dreadlocks who look like they smell of Patchouli oil.

Halfway through the trip we realised that Lyn's tolerance of insect bites is as low as ever. Most of the trouble was with her lower legs.....and in fact the problem got much worse later on. We're talking 50-60 bites, all turning into bruises. We think it might have been unwise to play volleyball in the grass with no shoes on.

That's about all really - I've run out of pictures so have nothing more to say. It was a lovely break and I don't rule out returning to Koh Chang some day.

A blog on my first Thai drumming lesson is imminent. Meanwhile, be good.